Blah Blah, Barbie, Blah Blah.

I know, I said I was going to write about that other anime movie, but…well, in order to subtitle something, you have to time the subtitles first, and guess whose job that is? I have very little tolerance for tedious tasks, so…it might be a while before I get it done.

Anyway, do any of you girls still keep up with Barbie these days? Yeah, me neither (bitch never returns my phone calls or texts). In fact, walking down the Barbie aisle tends to send me into a conniption fit and I go off on a rant about how awful her face and clothes are and how they’re trying to make her like those awful Bratz things and I don’t shut up for like 20 minutes.

I try to deny it, but– sigh –I loved Barbie when I was a kid. At first I thought she was lame and at the ripe old age of six, I told myself I didn’t need no steenking plastic girly Barbies. However, peer pressure is a powerful thing when you’re six. Before long, I asked for one of those My First Barbies and found myself liking her. Then came the 1990 Happy Meal Barbies, which I loved to death:

Later came the Soda Shoppe:

…and the rollerblading Barbie whose skates made sparks, a Southwestern-themed Jeep done tacky early 90s style for her and Skipper to drive while wearing their tacky early 90s “Western” clothes, Happy Meal Stacie, and all kinds of bullshit like that. (Where the hell did my parents get the money for this stuff?)

Then I grew up and forgot how much I used to love Barbie. That is, until I went to Walmart the other day and saw the new My Favorite Barbie line, part of Barbie’s 50th birthday celebration. This is a series of reproduced vintage dolls and I daresay they are really cool. You can look at the whole line here. These babies almost make me forget that Barbie really pisses me off!

They come with the doll, a repro outfit from the same time period, and repro booklet (which, honestly, is one of my favorite parts about the whole thing). They sell for around 40 dollars, which is entirely too much for me. My favorites are the 1977 Superstar Barbie and the 1962 Brunette Bubble Cut Barbie.

1977 Barbie comes with two really nice dresses and has that nice, friendly 70s face.

1962 Barbie wears a red swimsuit in the box, but the pink dress she comes with is fantastic. Very glamorous.

I bet you thought I was going to say that I wanted the 1986 Barbie and the Rockers one, huh? Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind having it, since it’s like a little 1980s time capsule, but based purely on the aesthetic value, the 1977 and 1962 dolls win. Let’s face it: 80s fashion was pretty damn bad, and rocker Barbie is a shining example of it, and hopefully she will remind people that real people almost never look good in pink spandex and shoulder pads.