You know, it’s really a shame that the TV show wasn’t as good as the movie. When talking to a lot of 80s kids, especially on the internet, you hear lots of gushing about how Transformers is the greatest fucking cartoon in the entire history of the universe. In short, I disagree vehemently. And before you start throwing stuff at me, I’ve seen all of the first season and about half of the second. Animation errors, bad writing, and just general laziness abound. (Much the same can be said for most 80s cartoons. *dodges sharp objects and rotten tomatoes*)

Next, I’m going to talk about some of the toys.

Wait– before I do that, I’m going to cover these Transformers parody videos because they’re what inspired me to write about Transformers in the first place.

If you’ve spent a lot of time on the internet, you’ve probably already seen The Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime, but I’m going to show it to you anyway, dammit. Oh, this video is NSFW, by the way, so be sure to have some headphones on or something.

Personally, I find it really funny when characters say things they shouldn’t. For example, Optimus Prime saying “fuck” is a riot in my book. It’s even funnier because the guy does such a good impression of him. You can’t get much closer unless you’re Peter Cullen. Also, I think I’m going to start using “Vector Sigma” as a curse word. It’s just got the right sound and flow.

However, as amusing as that one is, I like this one better. It’s called SOS Wheeljack, and it’s about how he built the Dinobots with tiny brains. (Also NSFW.)

I usually don’t like immature humor, but that right there is hilarious. Mostly because of the bit between Ironhide and Wheeljack. (“I don’t even have a mouth, you dumb shit!”) Gets me every time. I actually would like to see more from these guys, because there’s nothing better than hearing giant transforming robots curse a lot.

Okay, NOW I will speak of the unbridled awesomeness that is Hasbro’s “Heroes” line of figurines.

The Star Wars Galactic Heroes and the Indiana Jones Adventure Heroes are pretty damn cool, but my favorites are the Transformers Robot Heroes. We managed to collect all of the Generation 1 characters, and I’ve got my eye on the new ones that just came out. My Hot Rod needs a Galvatron to fight with.

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Some people might think they’re lame– after all, they’re Transformers that don’t transform –but I, being a girl, have an affinity for cute, miniaturized versions of things, and I also happen to like giant robots. Therefore, cute, miniaturized versions of giant robots greatly appeal to me. They also appeal to my fiance more than they probably should, seeing as how he’s a 27-year-old man. (I love you, baby.)

Until recently, the mini-Transformers held a place of honor on top of our TV, but then I took them off so I could dust and have been too lazy to put them back yet. I think the Decepticons might stage an uprising if I don’t hurry up.

Towering above these little guys is a giant: a Revoltech Megatron figure that I came across in a local store and couldn’t pass up. He’s not really all that big, actually, but compared to the Robot Heroes, he’s enormous– we like to call him Gigatron.

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Revoltech figures hail from Japan and are famous for having high levels of detail and many points of articulation. So not only is it a detailed likeness of Megatron, it can also be manipulated into lots of kickass poses. (Yes, posing action figures is a favorite pastime in this house.) I only wish we had such an awesome Optimus Prime– or Convoy, as he’s called in Japan –to go with him. Maybe someday.

Another treasured TF toy that we have: he’s soft; he’s Optimus Prime; he’s Softimus Prime! Softimus Prime is a transformable, doll-like version of Prime, and when I saw him at Target, I fell in love.

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Not only does he have a cute name, but he’s cuddly. There’s also a Bumblebee version called Slumblebee– not as inspired a name as “Softimus Prime” but the toy is still cute. I wish I’d have bought it when I had the chance. I hate to admit it, but Softimus often ends up getting snuggled with at night around here. Hey, you never know when Gigatron and his band of mini-Decepticreeps is going to decide to attack.

So, we’ve come to the end of the Nostalgiathon. It’s been a bumpy but fun ride, and I’m looking forward to trying it again sometime, though I make no promises. As always, thanks for reading. ‘Til all are one!

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