Nostalgiathon 2009 #4: With a Little Work, Garfield Can Still Be Funny

So, I loved Garfield as a child. Obviously. (Just look at my tag cloud over there.) It used to be groundbreaking and creative. The TV specials had a lot of charm, too, thanks to Lorenzo Music and his spot-on delivery of Garfield’s snark.

However, the daily Garfield strips haven’t been funny since probably 1989. Don’t deny it. You know it in your heart, and your inner 80s kid knows it too, and weeps at the knowledge.

But thanks to the magic of the internet and people who have a lot of time on their hands, Garfield is making me laugh again.

First, let’s look at Silent Garfield, AKA the removal of Garfield’s dialogue. It turns the strip from lame to amusing and, I daresay, somewhat relatable.

See? It’s much funnier if Garfield keeps his mouth shut. Also, isn’t it disturbing to think that if you were to visit Jon’s house, this is the sort of thing you would see, since humans can’t hear Garfield talk?

I have no idea what’s going on in this last one, and that’s what makes it so amusing.

You can see more Silent Garfield here and here.

The modification of Garfield strips has also been taken to another level, Garfield Minus Garfield. When you remove all traces of Garfield from the strips, you often get comedy gold, like this:

Which is more pathetic? Jon talking to his mute cat, or Jon talking to nobody at all?

Personally, I vote that talking to nobody at all is more pathetic. At least the cat can still interact with him. Also, when I recall the “Garfield is dead” theory, it starts to get creepy and depressing.

Anyway, another great way to get laughs out of Garfield strips is the Garfield Randomizer. You can easily burn through an hour of your life playing with this thing. Of course, it’ll do you no good if you don’t like surreal, absurd, non-sequitur, dada-ist humor– which, fortunately, I do.

Here are some of the ones I “made”:

And an honorable mention before I close this post: Garfield: Lost in Translation. It’s Garfield strips with the dialogue translated into Japanese and then back into English. Much more work involved, but it sometimes yields some good results:

Nostalgiathon 2009 #1: Thrift Store Finds

I’ve mentioned before that here in Norman, finding cool 80s stuff is kind of difficult. Today, I went and hit a couple of thrift stores, not really expecting to find anything, but I did!

First, I went to the local Salvation Army store. Toys rarely turn up here; I don’t know if they even accept them anymore. They mostly have a lot of clothes, random knick-knacks and especially 1970s furniture, which is kind of neat in its own way, but it’s difficult to collect furniture. (However, I did buy my dinette set there!)

A while back, I did find something cool here, but I couldn’t buy it because I didn’t have 20 bucks at the time– a Betamax machine! It was huge and hefty, a real relic. I wanted it just for the novelty of owning one, but even if I’d had the 20 dollars, I doubt that I actually would have purchased it, since I have become something of a practical person. I only have so much space, and I only have one Beta tape anyway (which I also bought simply for the novelty factor). Still, it’s kind of sad that I couldn’t get it.

Anyway. After leaving there empty-handed, I decided to go hit another store on the other side of town: Outreach Thrift Store. I used to go there frequently to look for clothes, dishes, sheet sets, stuff like that, but I hadn’t gone there for quite some time. It’s a nice place and things are generally pretty clean and organized. Until today, I had never scored any old stuff there except for maybe a couple of children’s books.

I went through some clothes, didn’t really find anything that caught my eye, so I went over to the books, and didn’t see anything there either. Then I spied a big pile of plushies and stuffed animals. I didn’t expect to find anything, so I was only halfway looking at them. I found a cute stuffed rabbit, so I picked it up to look it over and in doing so, unearthed a treasure: ANOTHER VINTAGE CARE BEAR!

It’s Cheer Bear, which I also own a non-vintage version of. She’s in very nice shape and cost me two dollars– a teensy bit pricey for this sort of thing but definitely not unreasonable. I tucked her under my arm and went over to the little room near the back of the store where they keep the housewares.

I don’t really remember what I was looking for in here; I think I was just browsing for the sake of browsing and enjoying the air conditioning. Then it jumped out at me: a glass Garfield mug!

McDonald’s sold these in the 80s, and I found one a few years back, but the shop wanted too much money for it. I wasn’t going to pass up this sucker, because they were selling it for 29 fucking cents! 29 cents barely gets you anything of value anymore, but today, it got me a damned Garfield mug! I looked to see if there were any more; sadly, there were not. But still, what a great find!

I also bought an old blender. Yeah, I know, not my usual fare. It’s an Osterizer Galaxie, one of those things that used to be in everyone’s kitchen back in the 70s and 80s.

I needed a blender, and they said this one works fine, so I figured, what the hell?

After killing about an hour searching the web for info about these babies, I decided to try it out by tossing in some ice cubes and water. The results? Not bad for an appliance that’s probably older than I am. The thing certainly isn’t quiet, but it blends, and it even kinda smashed up the ice cubes. Plus, it has vintage charm, and best of all, it only cost me six dollars. I call it a win.

Blurb: In My Dreams…

Last night, I had a dream that I went garage sale-ing and I found some rare toys/promotional items from McDonald’s. They were Christmas-themed Garfield figurines and big plastic cookie jars (what?). I was like “FUCK YEAAAAH” so I was about to buy them but ran into two problems: I had forgotten my wallet, and the lady wanted like a zillion dollars for them.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a LOSER.

I Got Mad Retro Lootz

So I went to my dad’s place the weekend before Christmas to visit my other sister that I hadn’t seen in several years. Since Dad’s a big junk hunter just like me, and there was nothing better to do, we all went and checked out some of the junk shops/antique stores in the small town where he lives. And boy, am I glad I did!

The first place we went didn’t have much that I was interested in, honestly. However, at the place across the street, I scored:

It’s Romance of the Three Kingdoms II for the NES! Actually, I didn’t buy this for myself. It’s for my husband, who is a huge fan of video games in general, and he likes old games, AND he’s a very loyal follower of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms series. So when I saw this for two dollars, I couldn’t resist. I’ve just done a quick eBay search, and this game typically goes for at least twenty bucks!

This place also had a couple of Barbies from the 80s, complete with triangular neon earrings and crimped hair, but I couldn’t decide which ones I wanted, and if something doesn’t make me say “HOLY SHIT” aloud and snatch it off the shelf, I typically don’t go for it. So Barbie will just have to wait.

Next, we went to the downtown area, which has certainly seen better days. There was an antique shop there, and the place was a damn goldmine. I could’ve easily spent a hundred dollars in there if I’d had it to spare. They had toys, they had pretty things, they had mugs and jewelry and art and lots of other great stuff. But, of course, I stuck to the 80s memorabilia, which they had plenty of.

I ran around like a kid in a candy store for a while before I finally decided to go with a Gloworm (which still works!), a vintage My Little Pony, and a Garfield mug. 😀

Among the things I wanted to get but couldn’t afford were various old character glasses. You know, the ones that places like McDonald’s and Burger King used to sell. They had Return of the Jedi, Great Muppet Caper, Care Bears, and a few other ones. They were marked at about three dollars a piece, which is pretty reasonable compared to what most eBayers are charging. I would have bought every single one of these if my funds weren’t so limited. So with a heavy heart, I left them all behind. If they’re still there the next time I’m in Sulphur, Oklahoma, I’m gonna go snag a couple.

A Vintage Stock store recently opened near me, so I went to check it out. They sell lots of cool junk, like old video games, action figures, DVDs, comic books, and VHS tapes. There were actually quite a few NES games that I wanted to pick up just for the hell of it, but again, none of them jumped out and said “HEY HEY BUY ME”, so I left them for now.

What I was really interested in was the huge collection of VHS tapes. I went over it with a fine-toothed comb, with a few specific titles in mind. I didn’t find any of the ones I was looking for, but I did find something that I was definitely not expecting to find!

It’s a VHS of the first two episodes of the Rainbow Brite cartoon! With the original clamshell case, even! Admittedly, the case is in poor shape, and it’s an ex-rental, which is usually risky, but I popped the tape in the VCR today and it plays like a charm. The picture’s not even particularly deteriorated like you’d expect from a 20-year-old tape.

The cartoon itself, of course, is pure unrealized potential. By that, I mean to say that it wasn’t all that great, but I had a good time with it and I’m ecstatic that I was able to add it to my collection.

I also picked up another tape: the first volume of a short early 90s anime called Detonator Orgun. My husband is really into mecha series, new and old alike, and even though he’s already seen this rather obscure offering, I thought it might amuse him to actually own this tape. If only they’d had the second volume, too!

A few months back, when we were getting ready to move, we took some stuff we didn’t need anymore down to the Goodwill. When we got there, I saw these guys in the window:

I don’t know why Garfield would dress in a football jersey or a fisherman’s outfit, but do you really think I, of all people, would pass these things up? Like hell I would! They’re now on my shelf with the rest of the plushies.

As much as I love this old stuff, I don’t think I’ll be buying any more for a while. Two reasons: number one being that I need to stop spending money, and number two being that I’m running out of places to put it!

Retro Wishlist IV: Big Fat Hairy Deal

This isn’t going to be a premeditated article-like installment of the Wishlist. Instead it’s just me blathering off the top of my head. But hey, you chumps have to right to complain about me posting two days in a row after not posting anything worthwhile for like, the last 6 months.

Anyway, this post is all about the big, hairy orange cat himself: Garfield. I have loved Garfield for as long as I can remember, and though I’m pretty disgusted by what he has become today, I still love him. Over the years, I have owned much merchandise with his face plastered on it, most of which is gone now. But I want to start collecting it again. So here I am, writing this post.

7. Danbury Mint Garfield Figurines

Today I stopped by my mom’s, which I hate doing, but it’s Thanksgiving, so I had to. Shortly after I walked in, I saw something familiar sitting on the china cabinet: one of my old Garfield figurines. And not some cheapo plastic ones either. These are ceramic ones from the Danbury Mint. You know, those people that make collectible plates and whatnot. My dad bought them for me sometime in 1992, and I treasured them. They’re really charming and detailed. Here are the ones I have, minus one that I can’t find a picture of.

Anyway, I was under the impression that these things were long gone and that I would never see them again. But all the ones I had were there. So why am I putting them on the Retro Wishlist? Well, three of the five have several pieces broken off, and the colors are much more faded than they should be. They’re in sad shape, especially the birdbath one, which is falling apart. Seeing them again makes me both nostalgic and depressed. Therefore, I want to replace the three broken ones with ones that are in better condition.

8. Garfield Phone

I shouldn’t even have to post a picture of one of these, because I’m sure everybody has seen one at least once.

I’ve wanted one of these ever since I was a kid. I don’t even have a landline to hook it up to, but it doesn’t matter. I still want one. Apparently they’re getting hard to find now and I really want to snag one before they start selling for more than they originally cost. Plus his eyes open and close when you pick up and hang up the receiver, and that’s just too damn cute.

Anyway, I hope everybody had a nice Thanksgiving. Mine was full of mixed feelings but was mostly good. I just wish my husband could’ve been here.